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[20 Nov 2005|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Typical.....retracing old situations.........not something i like to hear....thinking i'm far away from old situations......but i guess i was mistaken......dont want to be the same..dont want to be the old version, dont want you to feel unusre........i just want to ....be..
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| Sqweegally Sploogh |
[18 Oct 2005|04:19pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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ehh? |
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Aout 2 minutes ago I thought i had reason enough to update this thing since i dont really use the one on Myspace anymore but inthat 2 mintues things went from cool to crappy and I dontreally feel like doing as much as i planed to.. I guess you can chalk it up to being lazy or just occupid in my thoughts.
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| The Road Less Travled |
[08 Oct 2005|08:31pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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music |
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Killers - something to sleep to |
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This is by far the best weekend I have had and the worse all at the same time. Our story begans at work where the idea was hatched to go to Cheeks ( local strip club) to hang out with Ania (one of the dancers my friend has a serious crush on) and to do a few other things during the course of the night.
Ok, so we got there and little did I know that there were a few people working their (girls) that i knew from philly...this was both awesome and a lil disturbing at the same time. Since I go to school with them it was wierd seeing them in next to nothing asking me ifi wanted a privite dance. As the night progressed the girl I have a current crush on wasnt there which uber sucked and Ania told me that Nadia was sick and later got into detail which wasnt really needed.
So Chris and Ania are really hitting it off while me o the other hand is just kinda crusing around the club and talking to me brother who I go tin just cause he's cool and I know the doorman, lol. After fronting the money to Dina I got my brother his first lap dance and i later found out from Dina how unbelieveibly shy he was which i spretty cool to hear. I dont know why but knowing that he's modest makes me feel good, I guess its better then him acting like the whore our dad is. After I while I take not e of the time and knowing that Ihave to gotowork shortly we make a way to the door.
Once I got to the door of the car i had pee so I wnt back in and ended up eating all Dina's cheese sticks in one fail swoop and then I finally left. After droping my bother off at home Chirs realized that he forgot Ania's phone number so we went back and found her to get itand stayed a while longer. Then we decided to take them home (Dina,Zhanna,and Ania) and it was a long ass ride to Brooklyn. After getting there about three hrs. longer then it should have taken I went in thier house and went to sleep. Waking long after my shift at work I made my way back to the house and now your all cought up. Sleep is on the way and work starts at 5am tomorrow. I want to sleep...sleep hard. Laters
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| Sickness |
[03 Oct 2005|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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My Cough Sounds like your Pop Tarts |
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I've been so beyound busy latly that I havent been able to update anything at all so I thought I'd jump on here and let everyone whats been going on.
Ok, so I start school in a few more days and I also have yet another trip to Osaka coming up before school starts so yes, I'm beyound excited. Work has been owning me proper for like the last three weeks and people that I have been trying to hang otu with fail tounderstand it and write me off as blowing them off for no fucking reason which so the most annoying thign ever but i guess whats done is done. I cut my hand on a rsuty gas cap and my finger got super icky and infected so know i have to go to the doc. to get it drianed which will require me to get a shot to numb my finger
At first i thought it would just be a lil shot in the arm to numb the hnad and all but he goes "blah blah blah needle between you knuckle blah blah blah" and thats what cought the attention of home team...ouchies. Needless to say that I'm not lookign forward to this shot but you got to do it you know. I have had no free time to my self what so ever so I've been up for like 36 hr. shifts and shit. As a result my immune system as all discombobulated and I'm sick all hell. Plus the medication for my finger has driven me into the ground. Some one out there come hang out with me so i can spread my precious sicky ickies to you so we can both enjoy this splinded germ that is life. lol, laters
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| WTF?!?!? |
[20 Sep 2005|12:25am] |
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: hey
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: can i talk to you?
Neko Boy21: why? whats up?
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: bout like personal stuff?
Neko Boy21: i dont care, i'm a free er. have at it
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: ok ive been like really depresd lately and like i used to do drigs when i was like little...my step-dad used to drug me up b4 he would rape me..and like ive been really like wanting to die. i kno i cant bcuz i have my whole life ahead of me and my gurlz.. so what ive been doing 4 like 3 years is cutting and like its been getting out of control like ive been really dizzy and shit cuz ive lost alot of blood and my gurlz are alwayz asking me what is that..so i got hooked up on drugs again and its like i cant stop! i need help cuz sumtimes i even get high right infront of my kids and i dont want them to see me like that! what should i do?i need help
Neko Boy21: well i thin that your akready on right track with the "help" thing.
Neko Boy21: you live with foster parents right? so the best thing to do is to go to them and let them know whats going on so they can get you some help
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: i tried and they just otld me they dont want a pyshco in there house
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: and like i need to live here cuz there is no other home that will talk me and my gurlz
Neko Boy21: well then chill out and just stop. back down and leave that s hit alone
Neko Boy21: you did it before you can do it again
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: i kno but its hard.....weed is so freakn addicting
Neko Boy21: ....ok, i gtg. lol..later
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: thnx
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: 4 the help
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo: and talk l8r
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo signed on at 12:20:15 AM.
CuBaNaChIkAfOsHo signed off at 12:24:15 AM.
Now i ask you..all of you. at what poiont do youthink that weed is a serious drug? on top of that this girl is only 14 and yes the girls she keeps refuring to happend to be her childeren. ask me if think this is just crappy story from someon that wants attention.
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| My Respiration |
[13 Sep 2005|03:22pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
The new moon rode high in the crown of the metropolis shinning like who on top of this
People was hustling, arguing, bustling gangsta of Gotham hardcore muscling
I’m wrestling with words and ideas my ears is quick seeing what would transmit, describes can apply to transcript
This aint no time weather usual or suitable, tonight Allah will describe all that’s beautiful
The indisputable, we New York the narcotics sinked in metal and fiber optics were everyone is paid to trade hot stock tips for profits
Thirsty criminals dig pockets, hard knuckles on the second hand of working hand watches
Sky scrapers are colossus and the livin is preposterous where to stay alive you pay die no options
No Batman and Robin you cant tell between the cops and the robbers they both dart us they all heartless it no conscience
Back streets stay darken where unbelieving hearts stay harden
My eagle talent stay sharpen like city lights stay throbbing you either make your way or stay staving
The shinny apple is bruised but sweet and if you choose to eat you could lose your teeth
Many of you retreat cause nightly news repeats who got shot down and locked down on the spot like the savages, NASDAQ averages
My narrative rolls to explain this existence, I miss the harbor lights which remain in the distance
So much on my mind that I cant recline, blasting holes in the night as she bleed sun shine
Breath in to inhale vapors from night stars that shine
Breath so the weed smoke retraces the sky line
Her voice ride out like an ancient mating call I cant take it yall, I feel the city breathing
Her chest heaving against the flesh of the evening
Kiss her eyes goodbye I'm on the last train leaven, I’m gone
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| Baka Kaba Baka Kaba |
[11 Sep 2005|06:49pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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Gorillazs - White Light |
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Sounds funny right.
I though it would be a good way to start this entry off and let everyone catch up on something they care less about, lol..me.
Lately things have been kinda in the gray area with the life thing and i have seriously considered going back to the military instead of school mainly becasue I really miss it. I'm sitting around waiting for school to start and watching countless numbers of friedns return to the service and go to their new base and I just really want to get that feeling of showing up somewhere new back.
I mean no one knows your name or what stupid things you've done in the past, they dont really care about you and dont think twice about asking about your day. Everyone just goes about their busyness like you dont exsist. I know it sounds horrible but to have the "clean slate" feeling is somethingthat i miss soo much though it did come with its problems like longing for home or to hol that certain someone once more whic is somethingi thought about a great deal in the imte i was gone. I guess thats a good reason why I came back early. Looking back on the places I have been through out life (some of which suck like nothing every felt) I'm some how uplifted in knowing that I have come far from all the pain and things of that nature. You cant really look back on things if yuo didnt struggle to get where you are now and me and struggle know each ther very well.
All in all I think this is the year where thng turn around for e and stay on a up beat for a long period of time no matter what i decide to do. This my year to prove my worht to frends and family that have lost all faith in me, all trust, all hope. LAdies and gentlemen...I'm going to make the unthinkable possible this year and for many more to come.
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| Heart Pain Is Like Really Shitty |
[06 Sep 2005|02:05am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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Michael Bolton sang, "Love is a Wonderful Thing." I disagree. The J. Geils Band sang, "Love Stinks." I couldn't agree more.
Love stinks, surely, but don't get me wrong - I am not preaching hate to the world. There are basically two kinds of love: There is the love associated with peace, respect and goodwill - usually referred to as "Brotherly Love," which is something the world definitely needs more of.
Then there's the other kind of love - romantic love. Which is total crap.
What is love? That question has been answered many times by poets, songwriters and lovers making utter fools of themselves, all of them usually coming up with such cliches as, "Love is a Rose." Blah. Love is a rose, all right. It's got thorns.
If I were to answer that question (which I believe is intended to be merely rhetorical anyways), I would say:
"Love is a luxury, not a necessity. Love is society's dangerous pressure, which ruins those who vainly try to comply with it. Love leeches you of your intelligence, rational abilities, creativity, time and money."
So there.
"Love is a luxury, not a necessity."
Is love _really_ necessary? Does the Constitution mention it? Does one of the Ten Commandments say, "Thou Shalt Fall In Love?" No. Love is simply a luxury. Once can live a happy, healthy, productive life without falling in love. If Plato had fallen in love, for example, he would have never had the time to create his philosophies.
"Love is society's dangerous pressure, which ruins those who vainly try to comply with it."
Turn on the radio. What do you hear? A love song. Watch a movie. What do you see? A love scene. Perhaps, to escape the problem, you can take a walk. Sorry! there are lovers holding hands in the parks, sidewalks and shopping malls of the world. What happens every February? Ugh. We are bombarded with hearts, Cupids, flowers and candies. We feel the pressure of the marketing ploys of Valentine's Day (a so-called "holiday" with a strictly commercial purpose and no historical significance whatsoever, designed to suck your purse or wallet dry on overpriced gimmickry). Pressure indeed. So you have no one to love? Tsk, tsk. Society labels you a "loser" or an "outcast." That's just not fair.
Love is certainly responsible for the problems of the world. Take overpopulation, for instance, Love leads to sex, and sex leads to babies. Too much leads to too much sex and too many babies. Perhaps the world's governments should take that into consideration. Without romantic love, there would be a dramatic decrease in the instances of date rape and spousal abuse. Not to mention a massive decline in AIDS cases.
"Love is something that leeches you of yout intelligence, rational abilities, creativity, time and money."
Love makes you dumb. That is not just opinion, that is fact.
A study performed last fall at Tuebingen Univeristy in Germany dealt with electroencephalogram (EEG) readings of people with low IQs and high IQs. One of their findings revealed that some of the high IQ subjects showed brain- wave patterns of a "clearly reduced complexity," comparable with those in the low IQ group. The researchers questioned them and found out that they were genuinely and passionately in love. And how many times have couples neglected work or their studies just to spend time together? Far too often.
Lovers are very un-creative people. They succumb to dullness and cliches. "I'll love you forever," a man would say to his woman. Bo-ring. What does that mean, "forever?" No one loves forever. People break up. And even if they marry, they get divorced. And even if they stay married, they die. Nothing lasts forever.
I have lost count of all the times I wanted to hang out with a friend, only to hear, "Oh, sorry, I can't. I have to spend all day with my girlfriend." (My mind hears the sound of a whip cracking). And lovers are so intoxicated with each other that, for them, "Time seems to fly by so quickly."
As for money: Hah. Love leaves you bankrupt. There are the necessities of life: food, clothing, bills, perhaps even rent and gas. But love upsets one's financial priorities. Lovers have to spend money on such things as presents, flowers, presents, cologne or perfume, presents, perhaps even birth control and, oh yeah, presents. And I didn't even mention how money disappears when people go out on dates! All of the above leaves one financially weak. It's no wonder that lovers have to end up living together.
Face it, love is not such a wonderful thing now, is it?
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| Brooke+Japan = Bropan...or japooke |
[02 Sep 2005|09:51am] |
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mood |
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 devious |
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music |
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The Pillows - Shooting Star |
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So, I most deffinitly hve been trying to hang out with Brooke before I got to japna but I guess thats not going to happen considering that I leave tomorrow and from there it will be about Three weeks till i reurn But keeping all that in mind I'm trying not to get too excited, I've been told that Kenji's friend has been waiting to meet me for like ever and depending on how well things go for her and I once I get out there I might stay for a lil longer then just three weeks. I'm already like beyound ready to go but I would have likeed to hang out with her (Brooke) once again before I get on theplane for these several hrs. and just a lil fan fact about Blake...I dont like Plains, they scare me...now that I think about it.. alot things scare. Dools, ego's, hookers from atlantic city that can smell a penis miles away and rush your car like your the fatherof their many childeren, drug user's, preps, muppet babies, Mr. owl from the tottsie rool pop commercials... *continues excessivly for the next few hrs.*
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| .. |
[31 Aug 2005|02:39pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT???!?!?
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| Drinking |
[28 Aug 2005|11:41am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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Brooke's Name |
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I had a few drinks as of lastnight/this moing and that warm fuzy feeling quickly turned to bitter taste in the back of my throat. Drinking really dosent muh of anything besides kill your prombs for a while...not too mention some brain cells that you may have had on reserve, but once that feeling wears off all that plagued you returns wth a stronger more depressing force that kinda brings youto your knees.
Thanks to Josh and few jello shots the world around me is nice prettyful color even ater the tipsy stage is over which is damn cool cause i actually feel a bit recharged or something to that effect. I thought I was going to be hanging out with brooke today but her fther has decided to put a stomp on that plan so i guess i'm free again, though i dont really now whats going on later so i guess I'll just hang out with Nina or somthing and go to the lake I'm sure. Ummmmmers, I think thats it for right now so i'll go and brush my teeth cause theres the iky aftr taste jello in my mouth....damn you Cosby!!!!
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[26 Aug 2005|05:38pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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Things arent really moving as smoothly as I would hope for them too. I've been hanging out with Nina more and more as of this week and last week and things jusy keep getting better and i'm finding more thinngs out about her. Yesterday I found that she draws on glass and makes somepretty good stained glass when she has the time to, tallent ed and very cute so thats an awesome combo as it is.
Yesterday I go tup at 4:40am and drove to her house to help her baby sit her nieghbors kids and I felt so good like just sitting there on the couch and spooning her as the sun slowly came up, though i have to say I've never been more sleepy in mylife but at the same time i was like loving every minute of it. Later on in the day we walkedaroudn her her area and and hung out in theplayground just having talk time nd then headed over to Peebles to see her friend that worked there who seemed to really cool but for 17 had 2 kids which was kinda out there. After thatwe met up with her friends and mine and wehnt to the lake.
I was cond into the water by a very sedutive that Nina only to have my testies retact into my throat cause the whater was like beyound cold and after abut three minutes my lips were deep blue so i got and dryed off. Mush hapier on land I watch them pointless try to out run the biggest snapper that I've eer seen in my life. After this was all done I went back to my car to find that I locked my keys in said and spent the night at Nina's place, the fallowing moring (being today) Nina cooked for (too awesome for words) and then we headed to my house in her car to get the spare set of keys, went back to the lake and got my car.
I think later tonight Joe wats to go to the bar in Philly which i dont really mind going to cause i havent seen keira or Chris in like ever and maybe if Brookes home I'll try and see her too, other then that the day has sucked and I'm very hungy so I'm off to stuff my very Blushy face with many many pop tarts, Nina Nina (hahahaha, yes i know you'll kill me for it but i dont care)
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| Hey Damn It! |
[14 Aug 2005|01:10am] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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ummm what the hell is going on with people? I wanna see anne and yet she seems to be in ghost mode most of the time...she's like an illusive monkey from beyound the grave.
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| Meeting the Me Inside You. |
[13 Aug 2005|01:23am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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not much |
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Hey everybody, I'm just here to let you know that i know what you did last night...I watched it all go down from your window and the results were most excellent.I thin that i'm going to get some serious down time when I get to japan and hopefully I'll meet up with Ranko while I'm out there. ( I met her while on the trip in Flrd.) she seemed pretty cool and told me she'd show me around Osaka.
other then that not too much else is going on..just borde and knowing that school is arond te corner has me all figgit like. Love thoes that know I do and the rest.
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| New and Yet Old |
[09 Aug 2005|09:34pm] |
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mood |
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 ditzy |
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music |
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Zombie - Time to Die |
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The day goes, I call from Brooke today which was cool cause I havent talked to her in a long time and things are good for her as they are for me but something she said bit me in the ass in a bit but thats all good. It was damn cool to talk to her with out feeling that "I need you in my life" thing going on but you know. never the less it was awesome talking to her and it made my day in more then one way. Maybe...MAYBE we'll pick things up and start a new.Hey stay in school
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| Are You Fucking Serious? |
[07 Aug 2005|11:38pm] |
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mood |
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 WHY???? |
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music |
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Limp Bizkit Break Stuff |
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Well theres seems to be a small group of people that have decided they know more about my life then I do and there's been lots of heat surrounding things that shouldnt be brought in the mater they were. Yes i know its confusing but still just hear me out and give your thoughts at the end, as a few know in my small group of friends my mother passed away not too long ago and did it serious number on the mind and heart but here is where things get fucked up. Apparently I "lied" about it for what i can ony assumes is attention. I dont have to tto let you know how much this both hurt and pissed me off at the same time so I think if "someone" had to question that truth I ...dont even know how to end that cause it just fucks with me that much. Now that i know who the source is and have set them on the right track I hope that all persons involved with this know that I'm like so fucking beyound hurt that they would second guess but I guess i shouldnt be cause i lie all the time you know? Later
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| Huh? |
[02 Aug 2005|11:38am] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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Massive Attack - Tear Drops |
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Just felt like posting something I guess. Later
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| WTF!?! |
[01 Aug 2005|02:11pm] |
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mood |
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SHit!!! |
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music |
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Massive Attack - Dissolved Girl |
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It takes something so outrageous to make you see the era of your ways that sometimes it hits harder then it should, knocking you to the ground and being the only thing to wake you up. I had this very experience today and I have yet to recover, now when people need to coop with something going on in their life each individual goes about it in a different way. Some people take a better path and just try to calm down, draw, read or whatever and then there’s the few that lean towards the darker side of dealing with their probs. And unfortunately for me I go about it both ways so most of the time the out come is good but today I’d have to be swinging towards the dark side.
Along with a master degree in Life Sucktatude I have thing with cutting my arm from time to time remind me of the point in time I fucked up, there was seven total but as of today that number has jumped to eight and I wont soon forget everything that lead up to this soon to be scar. More importantly I think I’ll have a hard time as it is getting this person as far away from my thoughts as possible mainly because there’s still something there and I know its going to stay there and coming into contact with this person is only going to strengthen theme as the days go bay.
As a result I see a lot of things that’s changed in me as a person and very little that has changed in others so its just time to leave love alone for a while and let it find me when it wants cause everything else just keep drifting away from me. If you change your mind I’ll be around, call me if need be.
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| ? |
[29 Jul 2005|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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scared |
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music |
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K-Os - Super Start |
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heres the prob., I havent heard from you in some time and the phone works both ways though I dont think that something you can forget over night. I've called but theres something wrong and dont know what exactly that prob is but starting to get to me day by day, is there this strong pssiblilty that some how you've moved on, yes its there and that dosent bother meas much I think it could/should butnot hearing from you is something thats scrathing at me slowly. Just let me know whats going on so I dont keep this bright andsunny disposition thinking everything good when it couldnt be furhter from the truth. Yes I kept in mind that other poeple would read this so I kept as calm as possible...not to say it should be loud and blown out of context or anything but you know what I mean..i hope. Correct past mistakes I fallow my own little rule whne typing in here and thats looking at things from your point of veiw and asking my self would that piss me off I read it on your page, see how the answer right now is no I guess its cool to post and post it i shall, get back to me as soon as you can so i can give you the parts thats missing k? laters cutie.
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| Yo |
[22 Jul 2005|01:36pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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Alein Ant Farm - Movies |
] |
All i swell but life is on the complicated side so in other words...everything is as it should be.
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